If you have a life partner, retirement will definitely affect your relationship – the relationship will get better or worse, and it’s up to you how this turns out. Although the incidence of divorce among retirees is low, the rate is rising, and it even has a name – “gray divorce.”
Retirement is a big deal, in part because of the emotional energy you invest in this transition. Like most people you have high expectations for what you’ll do with your extra time.
You and your partner might retire at different times. And you may have different hopes and plans for retirement.
This means that there may be many issues for the two of you to talk through so that you can resolve differences. Of course, you don’t have to do all of your activities together. In fact, you may want to give each other some space so that you can both act on your dreams when they differ from each other.
Communication is the key to working things out. My wife, who is my life partner, and I generally eat at least two meals together every day during retirement without interference of phone or TV. This gives us a chance to share what we each have on our agendas for the day and to exchange how things are going. We use this time as an opportunity to problem-solve, share ideas, and support each other in our separate- and together-activities. We make time for longer discussions if and when we need them.
It’s clear that we both place a high priority on our relationship and will go out of out way to be there for each other when we’re needed.
When we talk over a challenging issue with each other, we find that it helps to tell each other what we need from the conversation. Do we want ideas to solve a problem, or do we want helpful support? When we’re at our best, we’ll ask each other what we expect from the conversation.
When should you start these conversations with your life partner? Sooner is probably better.
What are some of the issues that you will need to work out with your life partner about how you’ll use your time in retirement?