I learned long ago, partly through participation in Marriage Encounter, that a good marriage takes work. Otherwise, entropy wins – things fall apart. I have always wanted my marriage to grow and become even better.
When my wife wants me to do something, generally I do what she asks, unless there’s a reason not to. She does the same for me.
The concept of an emotional bank account (EBA) for our marriage is a powerful idea. I can make deposits to it or take withdrawals from it.
Examples of deposits include listening to what is important to her, doing my share of responsibilities on time and without a fuss, helping her with her work, and making the time to do fun things together. In fact, I try to more than meet her expectations but to exceed them. I don’t attach a score to any of this – I just focus on making deposits.
Sometimes I need to take withdrawals from my EBA. It could be because I want or need something from her, even if it isn’t convenient for her. Or, not being perfect, I do something that is stupid, inappropriate, or hurtful. If the balance in my EBA is high enough, I may have a “get out of jail free” card. Having a large positive balance in my EBA helps us to weather any storms that arise.
I have other EBAs. They are for relationships with family and friends that I really care about. I invest the time, energy, and other resources to build and maintain them.
What relationships do you have that merit an emotional bank account?