Sep 1, 2020
So many aspects of my life are uncertain now – work, money, health, politics, and justice. We have evolved to sense danger, so my mind and body are on high alert. It is as if a saber-toothed tiger were around the corner and I need to be prepared to fight or flee.
Having chronic high levels of adrenaline and cortisol increase anxiety and can lead to weight gain, headaches, and insomnia. Sound familiar? Also increase blood pressure and can lead to many other problems.
When I was free to travel, I could feel the anxiety and stress drain from my body over the first few days on vacation. But if I started to strategize about work, I would feel the stress coming back.
Here are a few strategies I use now take a break from the stress:
- Exercising outdoors. I bicycle and feel better. I’m sure that other aerobic exercises would have the same effect.
- Deep breathing. Taking a few deep breaths helps, like when I get up in the morning or I’ve been sitting in front of a computer screen for long periods of time.
- They help restore my depleted energy, which comes partly from the stress. I like the 15-20-minute variety of these. One such nap can leave me alert for many hours.
- I find that pausing before making a decision, instead of reacting immediately and instinctively, empowers me.
- Meditation and yoga. Unfortunately, I fall asleep when I try to meditate. And I have not found the right kind of yoga that doesn’t do my body in. But many people report that either of these can be wonderful for reducing stress.
What strategies do you use to manage your pandemic stress?
Jul 28, 2020
I have always done some chores around the house. For me they have included laundry, kitchen cleanup and the family finances. My past attitude has been to do them reluctantly, as needed, with an attitude of fulfilling an obligation.
Now during the pandemic, the chores are the same, but my attitude has changed. I am enjoying the smell of clean laundry and the sight of sparkling kitchen counters. I feel proud to have the responsibility and to get the chores done. I am surprised by that.
It is more than having a sense of accomplishment. For me it is about certainty and order. So much these days seems messy, menacing, and, most of all, uncertain. My chores are part of my “normal” routine. They have a daily and weekly rhythm around them. They are finite with beginnings and endings. When they are done, they’re done.
I won’t say that chores bring me joy, but they do provide some satisfaction. They help me feel that I have some control over my life.
What is giving you a sense of control over your life?
Jun 23, 2020
In Meredith Willson’s 1957 Broadway musical “The Music Man” “Professor“ Harold Hill sings, “Well, ya got trouble, my friend, right here. I say, trouble right here in River City.” I think of this song whenever something really bad happens in Minneapolis / St Paul. Now is such a time.
The Twin Cities is where I live. It is my community. I am proud of it. Sometimes in a brutal winter here, a friend or relative will call me and exalt in their own warmer climate. I respond, “Yeah, but we have real weather here.”
I think of the people who live here as “real” people, with few pretensions. They are generally kind, friendly, respectful, and warm. However, if you are a person of color, you may have an entirely different experience including being hassled or even murdered by police. There is much work for us all to do to create a great life for everyone.
Many people here have embraced the idea of change. They are taking on this work. That is what the protests and demonstrations are all about. Their goals are noble, even if there was some initial violence from pent-up rage.
I am at high risk during the pandemic and cannot march with the protesters. Yet I still have responsibility. I have started 2 charities, one which helps people in a financial crisis. And I contribute money to the NAACP Legal Defense and Education Fund, which does great work in fighting injustice.
As I think about my own “River City,” I am proud to live here. I identify with those hoping to make my city a better place for all of us to live in.
What can you do to make your city a better place to live in?
Jun 9, 2020
Yes, the pandemic is a time of anxiety about money and health, and huge uncertainty. Yes, we all prefer in-person meetings to zoom meetings.
Despite all that, is it possible to have a perfect day, or even a perfect hour, now in the pandemic? If so, what would it be like?
For me, the perfect day would include some kind of achievement, particularly overcoming some limitation that had been with me for a while. I think of practicing my cello and working on a piece of music that start out as impossible for me to play. Over a period of weeks or months I work on it. To my surprise, seemingly all at once, it becomes possible to play “perfect enough” for me and my teacher. And then on to the next more difficult piece to work on.
The perfect day would include some work challenge. I get in the flow. I develop new insights that surprise me. I make some progress towards a goal.
The perfect day might include the best eggplant parmesan or chocolate cake I have had in a long time. Or a bicycle ride in a spectacular place in perfect weather. Or a really meaningful conversation with a friend.
However, none of these experiences would be perfect unless:
- I pay attention and notice them
- I appreciate them
What is the single best first step you can take now to create your own perfect day?
Jun 2, 2020
For many of us, the pandemic is a time we are alone or lonely.
I miss being with my friends, especially giving and receiving hugs. In addition to Zooming with friends now, I have recently reached out to some of my connections on LinkedIn. I tend to be shy, so this was way beyond my comfort zone. But I have greatly enjoyed meeting and talking with new people.
I am extremely fortunate to have a great life partner. Lucy Rose Fischer and I have worked and played together for 58 years so far (married 54 of those years). The pandemic has affected our activities but not our relationship. We have both been working out of our home for the last six years, so there was no adjustment to the pandemic for us.
I know firsthand that many people are quite lonely now, especially if they are single. I see it here in the senior housing facility in downtown Minneapolis where I live. Many of my neighbors are widows or divorcees and do not have life partners. Some couples are forced to live apart because one of them needs to live in the assisted living facility upstairs while the other lives in independent living.
Many of us moved here to be part of a community that shared great activities. Sharing with others would facilitate friendships. Now many activities are cancelled; the only activities offered are through zoom. We are not permitted to gather indoors or outside in order to prevent contacting or spreading the pandemic virus.
Are you more alone or lonely now? Here are some thoughts:
- Would you like to identify candidates for friendships? A good candidate will be a great listener, respectful, supportive, and make the time to spend with you on a frequent basis. Any community you belong to or activity you participate can be a source of prospective friends. Where can you go looking?
- You should give before you get. Just as you want someone with the right qualities, you have to have those qualities as well. How can you be a great listener, be respectful and supportive?
- What can you do to take the initiative? If you wait for the right person to contact you, it might never happen.
- How can you prioritize your time for friendships? Intimate relationships, especially with a significant other, will take more time and energy to build and maintain than a more casual relationship. But any relationship will decline in quality and intensity unless you continually invest in it.
- How can you find the right medium to communicate? Traditionally, people used telephones to communicate if they could not get together face-to-face, and that worked well. Communicating works even better if you see the person you are talking with. You will need a device with a camera, which can be a smart phone, an ipad or computer. Most computers now come with built-in cameras. If not, you can purchase and attach one. If you are not set up to do this, who can help you purchase, install, and learn the technology to communicate visually?
If loneliness is sometimes a problem for you, what is the single best first step you can take now to banish it?
May 26, 2020
John McCain has described in detail what he did to survive his lockup and 2-year-long solitary confinement in a prisoner-of-war camp during the Vietnam war. Most important was his regular communication with other prisoners, even if was through tapping on a wall. In spite of the torture he was exposed to, he exercised regularly to maintain his physical health. He found that participating in a Sunday morning prayer service was also very helpful.
I recently heard Kerri Miller on public radio interview Will Steger, the Arctic explorer based in northern Minnesota. She asked him how he keeps happy and sane while being alone most of the time. He said that he needs to “stay in the rhythm” and take one step at a time, especially if he is fearful. His routine gives him something to look forward to each day, even if it is a meal, a good book, or a walk in the woods. His rhythm calms down his mind and helps his creativity flow.
For Will Steger rhythm and structure do more than combat depression – they provide the self-discipline that he needs to accomplish his goal of leading polar expeditions.
I have put some structure for my own time during this pandemic. I get up in the morning and go to sleep at night at about the same time each day. My meals are also at about the same time each day. After I am showered and dressed, I make the bed. My days are filled with a mix of leisure and progress towards meeting my own goals.
What is the single most important goal you are working on right now?
Would more of a structure of your time help you make faster progress?
