For many of us, the pandemic is a time we are alone or lonely.
I miss being with my friends, especially giving and receiving hugs. In addition to Zooming with friends now, I have recently reached out to some of my connections on LinkedIn. I tend to be shy, so this was way beyond my comfort zone. But I have greatly enjoyed meeting and talking with new people.
I am extremely fortunate to have a great life partner. Lucy Rose Fischer and I have worked and played together for 58 years so far (married 54 of those years). The pandemic has affected our activities but not our relationship. We have both been working out of our home for the last six years, so there was no adjustment to the pandemic for us.
I know firsthand that many people are quite lonely now, especially if they are single. I see it here in the senior housing facility in downtown Minneapolis where I live. Many of my neighbors are widows or divorcees and do not have life partners. Some couples are forced to live apart because one of them needs to live in the assisted living facility upstairs while the other lives in independent living.
Many of us moved here to be part of a community that shared great activities. Sharing with others would facilitate friendships. Now many activities are cancelled; the only activities offered are through zoom. We are not permitted to gather indoors or outside in order to prevent contacting or spreading the pandemic virus.
Are you more alone or lonely now? Here are some thoughts:
- Would you like to identify candidates for friendships? A good candidate will be a great listener, respectful, supportive, and make the time to spend with you on a frequent basis. Any community you belong to or activity you participate can be a source of prospective friends. Where can you go looking?
- You should give before you get. Just as you want someone with the right qualities, you have to have those qualities as well. How can you be a great listener, be respectful and supportive?
- What can you do to take the initiative? If you wait for the right person to contact you, it might never happen.
- How can you prioritize your time for friendships? Intimate relationships, especially with a significant other, will take more time and energy to build and maintain than a more casual relationship. But any relationship will decline in quality and intensity unless you continually invest in it.
- How can you find the right medium to communicate? Traditionally, people used telephones to communicate if they could not get together face-to-face, and that worked well. Communicating works even better if you see the person you are talking with. You will need a device with a camera, which can be a smart phone, an ipad or computer. Most computers now come with built-in cameras. If not, you can purchase and attach one. If you are not set up to do this, who can help you purchase, install, and learn the technology to communicate visually?
If loneliness is sometimes a problem for you, what is the single best first step you can take now to banish it?